The thought of writing this post makes me cringe and shudder. Heck – it was like a few days ago when I was running carefree all around in my hometown of Segamat. And it was only like yesterday when I first rode a motorbike and crashed into a tree. “Hey, where’d that damned road go to? How did the tree walked here?”
Life at 44 is, well – just like when I was 33. With the exception of feeling rather jaded, tired, disillusioned and bored. I used to laugh at those “old people” when I was younger. Teasing and calling them “old goats” and now it’s retribution time, for into an old goat I have now turned into.
For the benefit of my gang in the PTC (Pull Tea Club) in Ara Damansara – do not gloat over this goat business. For I will always be the youngest in the company of seasoned old goats. I will not mind pouring tea, lighting your cigarettes as you all talk bull – for mum always taught me to respect the elders. Ummm…OLDER, wizened folks like you.
At 44 you grow older yes but wiser. The dearest people in your life can be the ones who hurt you the most. People you initially thought are your friends eventually turn out to be those who want to make use of you. I am thankful to have the wisdom of seeing past these facades, charades and so forth. Being alone most of the time is no joke. I miss my young ones very much.
At 44, just when you think you are old and ready to give a life of sedentary a shot – life turns around. People close to me know what I mean. Wink-wink.
At 44, you need to exercise more. When I hit 40, I was horrified to learn that I need to squint my eyes, focus longer if I need to read the papers. Somehow things look blurrer now more than ever.
Then – after hitting 40, the bulge starts to appear on the belly. My tummy was a lot bigger when I was 40 till 42. Last year – the jogging, return to my Karate training, or “return to Shaolin Temple” is what I call it – really helped very much.
I almost gave up last year. Oh yes, last year was a tragic year for me. However, when you thought all was lost, that tiny shimmering hope in the horizon suddenly became bigger and bigger and lo behold – everything looks brighter now! I’m closer than before to my parents, my siblings and best of all – I’ve found friends who really deserve the title “friends”. Not those who stick to you because of what you have and what they can benefit from you.
That’s right! I’m looking forward to be 44 come 18 March. I look forward to being with my children. I look forward to my best friends. I look forward to meeting new friends, especially those who fly in to be with me.
Best of all – I look forward to what life has to offer me. And the brilliant opportunities that lie ahead, waiting for me to say, “it’s time for you to follow me.”